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famous quotes





Twain, Mark
Born: 1835-11-30
Died: 1910-04-21

US humorist, novelist, short story author, & wit.

Quotes

Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on or by imbeciles who really mean it.
- Mark Twain

Wagner's music is better than it sounds.
- Mark Twain

It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
- Mark Twain

When angry count four; when very angry, swear.
- Mark Twain

The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
- Mark Twain

Always do right - this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
- Mark Twain

Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
- Mark Twain

We consider that any man who can fiddle all through one of those Virginia Reels without losing his grip, may be depended upon in any kind of musical emergency.
- Mark Twain

Most people are bothered by those passages of Scripture they do not understand, but the passages that bother me are those I do understand.
- Mark Twain

The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.
- Mark Twain

When you cannot get a compliment any other way, pay yourself one.
- Mark Twain

Get the facts first. You can distort them later.
- Mark Twain

When in doubt, tell the truth.
- Mark Twain

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
- Mark Twain

The difference between the right word and almost the right word is the difference between lightning and the lightning bug.
- Mark Twain

I find that the further I go back, the better things were, whether they happened or not.
- Mark Twain

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a man and a dog.
- Mark Twain

Providence protects children and idiots. I know because I have tested it.
- Mark Twain

Adam and Eve had many advantages, but the principal one was that they escaped teething.
- Mark Twain

I have witnessed and greatly enjoyed the first act of everything which Wagner created, but the effect on me has always been so powerful that one act was quite sufficient; whenever I have witnessed two acts I have gone away physically exhausted; and whenever I have ventured an entire opera the result has been the next thing to suicide.
- Mark Twain

Let us be thankful for fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed.
- Mark Twain

July 4. Statistics show that we lose more fools on this day than in all the other days of the year put together. This proves, by the number left in stock, that one fourth of July per year is now inadequate, the country has grown so.
- Mark Twain

Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.
- Mark Twain

Honesty is the best policy -- when there is money in it.
- Mark Twain

My mother had a slender, small body, but a large heart - a heart so large that everybody's joys found welcome in it, and hospitable accommodation.
- Mark Twain

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
- Mark Twain




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Ashe, Arthur
Auden, W. H.
Baker, Josephine
Baldwin, James
Basie, Count
Beethoven, Ludwig van
Benedict, Ruth
Berra, Yogi
Bethune, Mary McLeod
Bierce, Ambrose
Billings, Josh
Blair, Tony
Bombeck, Erma
Bush, George W.
Capra, Frank
Carlin, George
Carson, Johnny
Carver, George Washington
Cervantes, Miguel de
Chambers, Whittaker
Chesterton, Gilbert K.
Christie, Agatha
Churchill, Sir Winston
Clausewitz, Carl von
Clemente, Roberto
Coltrane, John
Corneille, Pierre
Cosby, Bill
Darrow, Clarence
Douglass, Frederick
Du Bois, W. E. B.
Einstein, Albert
Eisenhower, Dwight D.
Elizabeth I of England
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Emerson, Ralph Waldo
Euripides
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Fromm, Erich
Fulghum, Robert
Gandhi, Mahatma
Goethe, Johann Wolfgang von
Goodman, Paul
Hardy, Thomas
Hegel, Georg Wilhelm Friedrich
Hesse, Hermann
Hitchcock, Alfred
Hitler, Adolf
Hoover, Herbert
Hubbard, Kin
Hughes, Langston
Hurston, Zora Neale
Inge, William Ralph
Jackson, Andrew
Jackson, Jesse
Jefferson, Thomas
Jones, Bobby Tyre
Jordan, Barbara
Kant, Immanuel
 

Keynes, John Maynard
Khrushchev, Nikita
King, Martin Luther
Kipling, Rudyard
Koestler, Arthur
Kundera, Milan
Leno, Jay
Liebowitz, Fran
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Livingstone, David
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Maeterlinck, Maurice
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Martin, Judith
Melbourne, William Lamb
Mencken, H. L.
Miller, Arthur
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Morris, William
Mr. T
Muggeridge, Malcolm
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Norris, Frank
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Pope, Alexander
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Priestly, J. B.
Quisenberry, Dan
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Santayana, George
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Truman, Harry S.
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Voltaire
von Braun, Werner
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Winfrey, Oprah
Yeats, William Butler
Young, Andrew
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Youngman, Henny
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